War and deficits are strictly for the birds
Where have all the doves and deficit hawks gone?
I am an animal lover. Our household has adopted enough animals to alleviate the guilt of watching those incessant ASPCA commercials.
In the interest of further emotional manipulation for the betterment of animals, I would like to advocate on behalf of two species of birds that are on the brink of extinction: doves and deficit hawks. And it is going to take more than a sad Sarah McLachlan song to help these birds.
The ideal habitat for a dove is a peaceful one. But after 3,400 years of recorded human history — 268 of which didn’t involve a bloody war — it is safe to say that such a habitat is probably riddled with trenches and pockmarked by mortar blasts.
Originally peaking in the 1960s in response to the Vietnam War, doves experienced a brief resurgence following George W. Bush’s unilaterally dumb invasion of Iraq. Since this military adventurism purported to find a secret arsenal of WMDs but only netted a dirty dictator in a hole, anti-war sentiment was on the rise and doves were making a comeback.
But that all changed after Bush left office. Seemingly overnight, doves went dormant after the election of Barack Obama. This was a curious phenomenon because he ended — counts fingers — zero wars. In fact, Obama went from bombing four countries (Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan, and Somalia) to bombing three more (Yemen, Syria, and Libya). Seven was apparently the lucky number needed for his Nobel Peace Prize.
This phenomenon continued on after Obama. When Donald Trump approved airstrikes in Syria in 2018, the sound of tweeting by ostensible doves reached a cacophonous pitch. Then-Senator Kamala Harris tweeted, “The president needs to lay out a comprehensive strategy in Syria in consultation with Congress — and he needs to do it now.” Equally shrillish tweets emanated from Nancy Pelosi, Jen Psaki, and Joe Biden — none of whom were actual doves, but they played them on television.
Not even 2018 Biden could convince 2021 Biden that bombing Syria without congressional approval was a bad idea. Only 36 days into his presidency, Biden approved an airstrike against Syrian targets and, as of this writing, never briefed Congress. And yet, no tweeting could be heard from the previously cacophonous flock. This is what it sounds like when doves go awry.
Apparently, “if only it saves one life” platitudes — usually applied to gun laws and mask mandates — don’t apply to predator drones.
Like doves, deficit hawks are in constant pursuit of the perfect ecosystem — specifically, one plush with governmental surpluses. However, these conditions are also rare. From 1929 to today, the U.S. federal budget has only experienced 13 fiscal years surpluses. Even if we avoided that $2 trillion game of hide-and-go-occupy in Iraq, it still wouldn’t be enough to cover the difference.
Deficit hawks rallied during the Obama years with the rise of the Tea Party movement. The Tea Party advocated for balancing the budget, reducing the national debt, fighting back socialism, and finding Obama’s “real” birth certificate, which turned out to be just as elusive as those darn WMDs.
It seemed like deficit hawks were perched for victory.
Unfortunately, deficit hawks are a lot like doves: While the latter goes dormant during Democratic administrations, the former stick their heads in the sand when a Republican is in charge. Total annual federal spending under Trump grew from $3.85 trillion in 2016 to $4.65 trillion in 2020, ballooning the budget deficit from $585 billion to $1.08 trillion respectively. Nine trillion dollars in additional debt later and Trump was practically swimming in that tea that he originally promised to throw off the Boston Harbor — and nary a deficit hawk could be heard.
Oh, and remember fighting socialism? Well, if socialism is defined as a drastic expansion of the federal government, then Comrade Trump certainly inspired many deficit hawks to adopt the class struggle of the proletariat.
Deficit hawks suffer from a rare condition known as Deficit Attention Disorder. While a $2 trillion stimulus package slides through Congress like a days-old Taco Bell Grande meal, the one group commonly entrusted to be fiscally prudent seems more concerned about the gender of a potato.
The bipartisan commitment to war and deficits demonstrates how ill-equipped our two-party system is to help these birds. In 2020, the U.S. spent $732 billion on its military, which is more than the next ten big spenders combined. Eight of the ten — India, Saudi Arabia, France, Germany, the United Kingdom, Japan, South Korea, and Australia — are either allies or friendly. Just imagine how many $2,000 stimulus checks that we have dropped — and continue to do so — on the Middle East.
Even if we shaved off just a tiny fraction of that budget, just imagine what kind of avian sanctuary we could build for doves and deficit hawks alike. We wouldn’t even need Sarah McLachlan commercials.
